Our baby girl

My whole life up until the age of about 30..I never wanted kids.  It wasn't that I disliked kids..I was an only child growing up and I wasn't around babies hardly any until I was about 18 or so and even that wasn't an all the time thing.  So having kids just wasn't in my mindset for this reason, I believe.

Until that first Christmas in our new home.

We bought our home in the spring of 2009.  That Christmas..after going through a difficult spring/summer (my husband was laid off during that period)..I thought we would be rejoicing for many more reasons than ever before.  Not only were we thankful for the birth of Jesus, but our new home (something we'd strived to get to in our 8 years of marriage), and Damons new job and the opportunities it held.  Yes..we had alot to be thankful for!  But..I found myself unhappy after all was said and done.

Something was missing.

I realized shortly after Christmas (I'm talking days) that I wanted to be a mother.  I wanted a child to share my life with.  To share holidays with.  Our new home needed the pitter patter of little feet (other than Ravey's!).  We began trying in Janauary and what I thought would be an oh-so-simple process of becoming pregnant proved me wrong.  It wasn't until July when I first became pregnant.  I got my first positive pregnancy test then and was overjoyed.

Then just a couple days later..before my first doctors appointment to confirm the pregnancy..the unthinkable happened.  I started to miscarry.  I was DEVESTATED.  I didn't want to believe that was what was happening to me.  And after a horrible trip to the ER..and follow up blood work and a doctors appointment a week after the ER trip..I found out I indeed was pregnant (2 weeks or less) and did have a miscarriage.  At first..I was ok.  I know that God has His reasons for everything and that it would happen..in His timing.  But then I had a breakdown one night..one I think I needed to clear my mind of what had happened to me..my body..and my unborn child.

So after getting that behind us..we moved on and continued to try.  It wasn't long at all..in fact..while we were on vacation..that I became pregnant again!!  I made the big announcment when I was 10 weeks pregnant this time instead of jumping the gun like I did the first go around when I told a bunch of people only to have to explain shortly after that we had lost the baby.  I wanted to be sure..have my dr appointment out of the way that confirmed everything..before I shared in our wonderful news to everyone. 

So after many belly photo pictures, a gender reveal party, baby shower, and roughly 9 months later..we were blessed with our baby girl on May 24th 2011.  Makayla Guiliana.  She stole my heart the minute she entered this world and has had a hold of it ever since.  My birth story was a little different from alot of my blogger friends who also were pregnant in 2011..in that I had a scheduled c-section.  Giving birth naturally never was anything I wanted to do and the fact that Damon has a bigger-than-usual head..well lets just say that I was afraid our little one might make it difficult in more than one ways for her mommy!  I didn't want to be one of those people I saw on A Baby Story that pushed for 90 hours in agony only to have to succumb to an emergency c-section because the head got stuck.  My blood pressure also was a concern..though I was never diagnosed with preeclampsia it was high during most of my pregnancy.  In the last week of pregnancy I actually was having the symptoms of preeclampsia but wasn't aware of it (even after phoning my doctors office and being told what I was feeling was normal and to take an easy) until the morning I was getting admitted for my c-section. 

Makayla has been such a joy in our lives.   She has enriched my life farther than I could have ever imagined.  God has opened my eyes to the love He has for His Son..it makes me more aware of the kind of love only a parent has.  She grows so much every day and amazes me at what she learns and does!  I LOVE being a mother.  That statement coming from me is huge..seeing as how I went from never wanting to be a mother in my first 30 years of life.  Now..I could never imagine my life without this little girl.