Wednesday, May 7, 2014


I'm sitting here watching 19 Kids and Counting for the second time this evening and the topic on their show lately has been 'courtship'.  A couple of the Duggar girls are now in courtships, which is really exciting to watch (In my opinion anyways.  I've been watching the show for years so its neat to see them enter relationships).

So..what do you think of 'courtship'?  Or do you know what it means (at least in their home)?

According to the "Duggar Law" as I'm going to refer to it as, courtship is when a couple is in a relationship to see if it leads to marriage.  Not much different from 'dating' to most of us. But for them, courting is much different to dating.

They typically don't hold hands, only 'side' hug (no full body embraces allowed here), they ALWAYS have a parent or someone responsible present at all times every time they are together, and absolutely no kissing whatsoever.  That's reserved for your wedding day.

How many of you dated like that?  Not many, I would imagine.  I find it fascinating.  Its a great way to keep yourselves totally pure for your marriage (if that's where the Lord leads).  It helps you to form a deep bond with one another instead of a physical bond. 

All wonderful things!

But I didn't date like that.

But, I would love to share with you what my dating life was like, because I would guess that it was nothing like what you probably experienced.  My parents were strict with me. (More so my mom's doing than my dad's, but that's a long story!)  I am an only child so that added into the overprotection part of everything.  Damon had also been married before, so that just added to the overprotection!  Did I mention Damon is the only person I ever dated?  I feel blessed to be able to say that.  :-)  Anyways, yeah, they were strict with a capital S!  We weren't allowed to go out on dates.  We dated at my parent's house.  We got to sit together at church.  We talked on the phone.  A LOT.  We only went out on dates a couple months before we got married and that was probably only a handful of times.

I have to say, my dating experience wasn't a great time for me like it should be for a young girl/lady.  I had been a Christian for 5-6 years prior to meeting Damon. Damon himself had been a Christian only several months prior to us meeting, but he had turned his life around DRAMATICALLY.  Like some people do, he had a lot of 'skeletons' in his closet, but you know the great thing about God is He wipes all of that clean and forgets about it all. 

However, it wasn't all forgotten by everyone (especially my mom).  Hence the strict dating.  During that time, it made me resent her.  I did a ton of praying.  I did a lot of crying.  What it boiled down to was this...


Which leads me to the Duggar Law of courtship.  As great and everything as their style of 'dating' is, I often wonder if they feel like their parents aren't trusting them.  To be alone with your possible future spouse without your parent's noses being right there in between you, it would feel like there is no trust there.  Thankfully, mine weren't THAT bad (we were alone 95% of the time we were at home dating), but still.  I understand their reasoning, I do, but having gone through what I did, as a Christian woman I felt underscored.  Like that I wasn't trustworthy in their eyes. 

What do you think?  Do you think the Duggar Law of courtship is a good thing or bad thing?  Let me hear your thoughts!!


1 comment:

  1. This is such an interesting post! I loved reading your thoughts, and I would agree- I know they are just trying to remove the temptation aspect by having someone with them all the time, but it does seem extreme to me. Derek and I had times alone during our dating "courtship" days, and in public places you aren't really alone anyway, so I don't really understand that rule. I'm with you though, I'm pretty excited to watch the show as they start dating/courting! Especially with Jill. She's my favorite Duggar daughter. :)


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